Inner Discovery for Kids

One of the goals of meditation is to learn how to quiet the mind and ultimately make contact with one's nondual essence.  Or maybe it's more accurate to say: to realize that the self in the small sense of the word, is an illusion.  Eckhart Tolle says in his talk at Findhorn, "If you have a method it is beautiful, but ultimately you have to give that up too" as the method (the meditation) may be yet another barrier between you and who you really are.  Most of us are somewhere along the continuum of needing our methods unless we have some intense breakdown where all the illusions are burned away at once. While the instant realization path may enviable in some ways, the more gradual, less dramatic path can work pretty nicely for the rest of us, and that also includes our children.

Children, just like adults, have varying degrees of presence and connection.  Spiritual teachers often remark about how babies can sit in bliss in the grass or mud and just "be" because they have not developed a mind made self and don't create problems every other second like grownups.  On the other hand I've met babies, like my son, who was not so much of a Buddha baby!  There was a lot of wriggling and movement and crying and outbursts and then, yes, some calm moments gazing up at sunlight streaming through branches of a tree or sandbox reveries, but there was an awful lot in between those moments and my fantasy picture of blissed out babies was definitely challenged.  We both learned a lot during those early years and I now have far fewer preconceived notions about children.  Some children that I've worked with can drop in fairly easily to deeper states by working with their breath alone and some need different tools.  In general, so far, I've found that kids, especially during the daylight hours, can become more still when they are gently led through a guided meditation in a story form.  The story draws them in at first and then you can lengthen the pauses between sentences gradually as you go and they fall into a more hypnotic state.  Most teachers of young children that I know enjoy reading aloud to them for this very reason.  It organizes and calms them internally.  I like to start with sensory details in the beginning of the story to have them shift their awareness to their bodies:  to feel the breeze or smell the honeysuckle or the sand under their feet. Then as the story progresses, to guide them to a safe place where they can go even deeper and then they may become even more still and listen to messages from their hearts or guides. Then maybe there is an opportunity to get to an even deeper place beyond any words or feelings, where there is only stillness.  I don't like to make it a goal necessarily, because I want to stay open to each child having the experience that's right for them in the moment.  I want it to be different from the kind of experience they may be having in school where there may be a right or wrong way to do something and just let it be open, a discovery.  They have gotten so used to being evaluated in some way or comparing themselves to each other, that I emphasize that they are all going to have different experiences because they are all unique individuals and that this is an area where we have no need to judge, compare or measure.  That they are okay right where they are. 

One of the blessings of working with children is that they usually have no problem telling you what is not working for them, either directly with their words or by their actions.  Times when I tried meditations with sparse words or put the focus on breathing, just relaxing parts of their bodies or more abstract meditations like breathing in/breathing out love, there would often be more than one child raising their hand saying, "umm, Ms. Nicole, this is kind of boring!"  And if they didn't say it out loud, they said it in their body language:  fidgety hands, whispering to their neighbor, giggling and distractions. It was always a good lesson when my agenda was thwarted because that's when I really learned the most and had to let go of all my expectations. There was more room for an authentic experience and more room for spontaneous play and fun.  They were always game to try out my ideas, but it was clear what they preferred.  One on one, or at bedtime, I'm sure many children could settle in to a simple breathing relaxation meditation, but in the group context I usually go with a guided meditation.  I found that children around 9 and up start to have an easier time with abstractions, and that's probably developmentally appropriate, but even the older kids seemed to prefer the stories.  I'd love to hear what anyone else has discovered about doing meditation or relaxation work with children.